Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Excitement Isn't Always the Best Measurement of Do-ability

A couple of months ago I learned about an upcoming project. It's related to a couple of my personal and professional interests and I was excited.

I said "Yes, I'd love to be involved!" And so I was.

In the planning stages.

In phone meetings and an in-person meeting.

And then it was getting close to the action time and I was looking at my schedule.

Obsessing on my schedule and trying to figure out how I was going to be able to fit in one more thing.

I was determined.

I wasn't sleeping well.

I wasn't writing much and pushing deadlines when I did.

I was juggling sleep and swimming/walking and writing and, of course, work. Along with the other necessary life aspects: food, laundry, gas in the car, etc.

And trying to figure out my schedule.

Then someone gave me a wake-up call. Someone I talk to weekly but I hadn't told her about the project. The very exciting, time-consuming, far away, how-do-I-add-it-in project. And I told her.

I wasn't deliberately not telling her, it just slipped totally out of my mind when I met with her.

Until last week.


So we talked.

I thought about it.

I looked at my schedule.

And I knew that I let my excitement decide that I could do this. I want to do it and that's good. But I can't.

I was able to find a replacement and will still do some consulting. I will be there on opening night and closing night.

But I needed to back out. So I did.

Tonight I'm finding that my anxiety has disappeared. I'm more relaxed. I finished my Intensive Workshop writing assignment before the last minute and even got my feedback to other writers done.

And I'm breathing easier.

I can support the project without being in a whirlwind of impossible timelines.

Yesterday I had to let go to take care of me.

And today I know that was the best decision. .