Breathing and Writing in the Time of COVID and Fires and Hate-storms

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I've been meaning to write something to put here. To not leave this hanging, seemingly unattended. It isn't. Or my writing isn't. As we navigate COVID-19 and fighting racial inequality, protests of Black Lives Matter and other anti-racists, as we learn and grow and - hopefully - change for the better, better good of all. I hope that we will remember and retain the lessons and the changes. I hope. I hope. I hope.

And I write.

And theatre is seeping in from the edges. Trying new platforms and approaches and new scripts. How to incorporate access. We learn and we try and we try better next time and next.

And I write.

And the government is such a mess. I cannot believe the overt rise of hatred and discrimination, which feels like they are thrusting us back 70 years, 80 years, maybe more. This is intolerable. 

There is so much at stake right now.

The recent death of Ruth Bader Ginsburg. So much at stake. There should not be a new appointment until after the election. That is what they - the Republicans (I'll stick with that politer, public word, for here) - said when it was in an election year and Obama had the opportunity to appoint a new judge. But they barely waited for her body to be still before they (Republic....) jumped into their rhetoric and intent to streamline her replacement.

Hateful - they are very hateful and promoting racism and sexism and all the isms. And they are selfish and only out for their own.

This is why I have not written here. I am writing. A lot, still. Keeping in some workshops. Playing with new forms - which includes Comics. I am playing in online workshops where we get an hour with different Comic Artists and learn their approach and play with visual storytelling. It is a lot of fun.

We had some terrible wildfires here in Oregon; some are still burning, but containment is in process. A couple of weeks ago a few large fires billowed smoke and ash far; sometimes the entire state was under such a heavy blanket of smoke that we could barely see the sun as an orange or red small orb of light somewhere up high. The air was literally thick with smoke and ash and, amidst COVID-19 when the outdoors was supposed to be better in terms of decreasing the spread of virus, we were forced to stay indoors due to problems and potential damage of breathing the outdoors air heavy with smoke particles and ash. For about ten days, we were hovering in the Unhealthy to Hazardous Air Quality.

I write. I cry. I write. I work (part-time, I'm lucky I still get to work). I am having conversations about theatre and I got to interpret a script reading week before last, on Zoom, it was fun, it was so good to get my brain and hands on theatre again. I read about anti-racism and I engage in self-assessment and growth. I have a small cohort of close friends who rely on each other for information, news, support, confirmation that we are doing right by masks/distancing/washing/minimizing contact with others, and so on; it helps (and my "quarantine bubble" is still just my partner and me and one friend who has been in that bubble from the beginning). I write. I draw. I write.

And now I am going to retreat into my quiet, watching, witnessing, mode. Into my writing and experimenting with words mode. Because, yes, I am in another workshop. And it is going well.

Be safe. Wear your masks when around others. Wash your hands often and well. Social distance. Don't hate on people Think of others, not just yourself. VOTE in 2020 and, please, vote out the mess we have right now because if we don't, the mess will be unbearable. It is going to be a mess and a struggle either way until things get sorted out - I am 100% sure the transition will not be easy. But if we have any change of righting the wrongs and getting on a better track, we must replace the selfish, egotistical, power gluttons in the Administration.

A New Year Without Resolutions

Yes, it is a new year : 2019.

Seasonal/solstice dinner with friends.
A night of good food, laughter,
drinks, and game-playing.

Nope, I did not set any New Year resolutions. Nope, I won't.

I do have a few things I'm working on in my life, like not getting triggered by aggressive personalities (had a "learning opportunity" setback on that one recently), and making choices based from my inside to looking out rather than the other way around. There are some other shifts in my writing, my writing practice and writing goals and inspiration.

But these are changes based on personal development, focus, and over time.

I am totally fine with not setting New Year's resolutions which have a high chance of failure. Instead, I have steady development and growth in areas which are already showing results and improving quality of life. I understand people who like to set goals and have a traceable starting point and maybe a community of newness and hope in starting to develop new habits with the incoming new year. It's just not for me.

My writing has moved to a new level and this feels like a permanent shift; one which may stick around this time. This week I made some major edits on the long-running book project and I can see that light at the end of this particular tunnel (handwritten edits); there is a long and tedious tunnel right after this where the edits go into the computer document (which I am confident will result in more edits). Giant strides forward happened this week and I have just another inch or inch and a half of printed pages to go. It has seemed very daunting, looking at hundreds and hundreds of printed pages, going over every word, and multiple times, for content and style edits, with an aim of consistency and congruency.

I also had a breakthrough this week in structure; I have an idea of how I can weave some sections together and perhaps spackle in a few gaps in the timeline in a way that will work.

It is exciting and not overwhelming.

It is also 2019 and this one really did come on fast. Another saying I've grown tired of and rolled my eyes at ("time has flown" or "I can't believe it's already _____") which is Now Actually True. Year 2018 feels like a blink.

Whatever your personal perspective on to resolution or not resolution, I hope that your holiday season brought you some peace and joy and that the New Year was ushered in with ease and friendly companionship (or whatever brings you contentment).

Simple Words I Needed to Hear Today

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My Tuesday writing partner and I have started up our weekly meetings again. December was a tough month, with the creeping crud and both of our work obligations. Maybe we met once. I've lost track. But we promised to start up again in January.

I knew I had heavy theater requirements this month and was holding huge blocks of time available because the schedule for this theater commitment was not yet specific. I've altered my work hours and some personal commitments so I could be available for this other task I agreed to do. So we were committed to writing time but I knew I might not be able to keep it to exactly every Tuesday.

We agreed to do our best to find another time during the week if a Tuesday didn't work out.

Which it didn't this Tuesday. There was an opportunity and need to work on a scene for the play so I asked my writing partner if we could move it.

There was and we did. To Wednesday.

I showed up at our writing place and we did our check in. She asked if I'd been able to do any writing this last week and I admitted that, no, I hadn't. I didn't feel guilty about it because my week was so full of theater that I was doing my regular interpreting work and going to rehearsals for the in-depth theater project and the show I'm interpreting next week and sleeping. That was it.

But, no, I hadn't written a thing in 8 days. Since the last time we met.

"But you are here now," Rooze said - or something like that. "You showed up to write."

I felt relief from hearing those words. I wish I could remember exactly what she said, but that is close. And it was exactly what I needed to hear today.

Yes, even in this exciting and energizing and creative theatrical time, I showed up to write.

Thank you, Rooze!
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A Good Day for Writing

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I want to report that today (Tuesday) was a very good day for writing.

One important factor is the weekly Tuesday morning writing date on my calendar. Rooze has been wonderful to write with. We take a little bit of time to check in - how the week has been, including our writing - then check in with what our plan for the day's writing session is, and then, we write! We usually have at least 90 minutes of writing time, sometimes a little more.

It's beautiful. It works really well. And, once in a while, one of us can't make it. The challenge then, only to ourselves, is for the other one to show up. The follow through when we're the only person who really knows if we go and what we do with our time. Most of the time we both show up. And today we were both there.

I also noted that it was right after completing another performance interpreting project. Noted that, again, performance brain done and writing brain rises to the surface.

Here is what I did today in my writing life:

Send in the requested information to Float On as application to their Writers Program.

Sent an inquiry to Sou'wester Lodge in Washington about their Artists Residency program. I'm hoping to get a time up there this summer; I could put it off until the fall, but I hope there is a slot available in the summer. It's for a week-long stay with a bit of break on the cost and I would love to do that to work on the M-book. That project is at a place where I need some distraction-free, immersion time in order to move it forward. From what I've seen and heard about the place, I think it would be perfect and this looks like a great do-it-yourself writing retreat.

I worked on the story which came to me in the float tank last Saturday. It is moving along well. It is not quite taking the path to the point of the story that I thought it would; but isn't that part of the fun of writing?

 I worked on the story I started the previous week. One of the two main characters has a name now; he is no longer just "the interviewer." His name fits and it just rolled off the keyboard. I like that.

 In searching for one of the stories - which was filed in the wrong folder - I discovered a story I forgot I'd written. I read the story and I like it. I made some minor edits and it needs more. But it's a good story and is worth additional attention. It is one I'd like to get ready to send out into the world. Another story which won't be easy to place; but I know it has a home. Somewhere.

See? It was a very good writing day.
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Waiting is Hard Sometimes

This isn't about writing; not directly. Although pretty much everything which happens in my day to day and even exceptional day life does affect my writing. The quality, the quantity, the ability to put a word after a word after a word and have it make sense. Or not.

I've been waiting for six weeks for the contracts to be ready at a place where I interpret and coordinate the interpreter teams. There was a big shake-up in the personnel and the way they do business at the end of last season. This included my contact person losing her job - and she was excellent at her job, at being an advocate for the Deaf Community and made huge strides in increasing the size of the interpreted performance audiences. After the personnel shake-up, it took awhile for them to get someone assigned to be the one who deals with the access teams. The meeting went well. And then I waited.

And waited. They were reviewing the contracts. I waited.

I did more than just wait. I reconfirmed availabilities for the season, I plotted out who would go where, I checked in with a couple of people who I wanted for a couple of specific things. And I waited. I emailed and I called.

And waited. The contracts were under review by HR. Oh, they're on vacation. They're back but the legal team needs to look them over. Oh, they're out of the office. 

We should know later this week. No, by the end of next week. They're still reviewing. By Friday; definitely. Well, end of next week I will get an answer for you if they're not in hand.

At 4:45 pm the call came. Temporary contracts for the access team for the first show being interpreted in two weeks. And my coordinating contract. But not the master contract from which all the others will be made.

Soon, I was promised. Very soon. But first we have to meet to look over these contracts which are very different in wording than the previous, what, ten years? Fifteen years? Supposedly no major changes in process or payment - but the legalities of being involved with this place. Something.

So I'm still waiting. 

But I have moved ahead with contacting the interpreters and coaches to make sure dates and teams and plays all match up; I still need to hear back from three of them. And all of this is contingent on the contracts being acceptable to the team members because - well, I don't know what the changes are. None of us who aren't employees know.

Fingers crossed. I'm waiting.

There has been a flurry of activity these past few days around this issue. And that's okay. Even with the other activity I did meet with my Tuesday writing partner and I met with my Friday night writing group. I wrote a piece, which looks like it it going to be a spoken word piece and that makes me happy. I also edited another story which I was planning to submit but I missed the deadline. And that's okay; it probably wasn't the best fit or this story. This week I've also been looking for a home for that story - it's going to be a little hard to place, though I think it's good, it just needs the right home.

I'm happy that even with the waiting for the contracts and the busy-ness of the coordinating piece, I've still be able to write. It does help having writing partners, a writing community. Even though writing is a solitary activity in most respects, having a community helps keep it present and real and alive.

Returning to the Up Position of the Seesaw

photo from Seesaw of Life - a nice article about failure and success

Writing - and I think creating, in general - is a seesaw ride for some of us.

Or we think it is.

I do, at least.

Today I feel I'm back on the upswing. Yesterday I was holding onto the edge of the dark pit, slipping and yet not letting myself fall, wondering if I could haul my ass out one more time. Wondering if this in and out, up and down - the excited energy of new ideas, then the plummet of self-doubt with or without external ignition - will ever end. Thinking, no, it won't, so what's the use of trying.

Except I do try.

I return to the things I love and I don't give up. The time between the flow of creativity, the sagging lack of confidence or lack of sleep or lack or validation, and the return to writing is shortened; sometimes hours or maybe a day or two. No longer weeks or months of wondering, waiting, trying to ignore the sense that maybe this time writing or theater or art-making and I won't find our way back together.

But I do find the path.

And today I know that this is a cycle.

That periods of not writing don't mean I'm not writing - what I mean is that I'm not putting the words on a page. Paper or computer screen it doesn't matter. If I'm still thinking and open to what surrounds me and ideas are being sparked, then I'm in the process of writing. And rewriting and editing is writing.

I think this lift of the creative teeter totter I've found that little bounce as my butt hits the ground and I rebound into the air, with creativity intact. And realize I've only dipped; not lost.

It's good to be airborne again. To have words back in my pocket and on my screen.

Thank you to writing partners and writing group members and friends. And my partner and Pamela and Bonnie. And all of the other people in my life who help keep me moving forward and help me remember that I can and I am.

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Powerhouse Workshop

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I am delighted to say that today I registered for an amazing workshop in October. I heard about the workshop the weekend I was up in Port Townsend for Lidia Yuknavitch's workshop and knew that I would sign up as soon as I could ... and I did. It is up at Port Townsend, again, through The Writer's Workshoppe.

I am excited, energized, and, oh, I already said excited.

There isn't even a full description of the workshop available yet and I don't care.

The reason? Here is the reason:

Dorothy Allison/Lidia Yuknavitch Weekend!  

        

  Oct 5th and 6th, 2013

 

"We know! We are as thrilled as you are!

Description to be announced soon, but let’s just say this weekend will blow the top of your head off and set your writing on fire. Yes, you can sign up now. $300. This workshop will be limited to 32 participants divided into 2 groups. You will have Lidia Yuknavitch one day and Dorothy Allison the next day. On Saturday night we will have a reading with BOTH OF THEM. "

'Nuf said, right?

I also reconnected with a friend at another friend's wedding on Sunday - who is a writer, among the long list of other talents she has (massage therapist, artist, and more). We discovered that we live about nine blocks from each other. She has a major piece of writing on-hold-in-the-works and we talked about setting up some writing dates. Times where we show up to just write. To support and write. Scheduling may be a challenge but how many times have you read those words in my writing? Many, I know.

I'm writing. Writing is "in the field" so to speak. Creativity is flowing.

And I got a seat with Lidia and Dorothy!

Call me smiley.
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Challenge : K is for Knitting

K is for Knitting.

The first word which came to me was kinesthetic. Maybe I should have gone with that one - it could have sparked a story about my partner, about learning styles and modern education. But I wasn't interested in traveling down that path today.

The second word was kangaroo. That felt too trite and I really have no opinions about kangaroos. No feelings about them either way. They're funny creatures and cool and I've had very little interaction with them. I mean, I've seen them at a zoo, but that's all. I care about them in the sense that they are living, breathing beings; but beyond that, meh.

So today K is for Knitting. And in the way things have gone with my past couple of A to Z Challenge posts, as I was typing the title another K word popped into my head: Kite. And I thought that maybe I could do another dual post. I do have Kite experience in my past. Not as a pro or even a competitor, but at one point in my life I was co-owner to a gaggle of Kites. I don't really know what you'd call them - but we had a bunch of kites; and some of them were not cheap. Some really cool ones. But that's another story - which could go in the memoir I'm editing but it's not in there. Not yet.

But no, I don't want to write about kites today.

So it's back to : K is for Knitting.

I knit a little. In spurts.

But I have a friend who learned to knit from some co-workers and, boy, did he ever pick it up quickly. And well. He's a natural. A mutual friend called him a knitting savant and he kind of is. Within weeks he was making up his own patterns. I'm not referring to just playing around with knit-1 perl-2 knit-1, etc. No, he was creating patterns for scarves.

Easy, you say? No, I mean, he was making up mobius scarves. And he did that type of knitting where you work with two colors at the same time (starts with an F - I think - I could look it up on Facebook but I'm not going to, I'm leaving this post as is) - and it came out fantastic.

Knitting. For me it can be like a meditation (and I'm writing a story about that - the story is fiction but it's based on my experience). Especially things like hats knit on round needles, with repetitive patterns or even, once I get past the brim part, it's just knit around. And around and around.

There is something satisfying in making something you or someone else can use. It's calming. At least with simpler patterns for me. I knit a few more complicated things a number of years ago; but recently it's more hats and scarves kind of things. I was making a set of fingerless gloves, but never finished them.

Knitted Kite pattern on Etsy

I also like the feel of yarn when I'm knitting. And I like bamboo knitting needles. So it becomes tactile, too. I've made a couple of things with synthetic yarns but my experience in knitting them wasn't the same.

Knitting, like sewing, is not really a cost-saving approach, either. Unless you have access to secret stashes or really good deals. Yarn - the good stuff - is expensive and you can probably buy it cheaper than you can make it. Which isn't a reason to not do it - I'm just saying that Knitting is not without costs and probably won't save you money. Another of the things you do because it makes you feel good. And that's okay.

So, today, K is for Knitting.

Maybe I'll write about the Kites later.

Renewed

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The decision to get up early on a Saturday morning to attend the "Making it in Changing Times" one-day writing conference was worth it. It was a day filled with books and writing and inspiring and knowledgable speakers. And food. As we were reminded several times, there's lots more food left, eat more.

But it was the people who made the day. The "writers' tribe" as Jessica Morrell called it - yes, these were my people even though I only knew two others and knew of (had met, have read their work) the speakers: Jessica Morrell (who put this conference together), Lidia Yuknavitch, Polly Campbell, Deborah Reed, and Kevin Sampsell.

And thanks to Wallace Books, my bag was a little heavier as I left the building and was walking back to my car, thinking, Why is this bag heavier now than when I went in - I drank my coffee and the bottle of water? Oh - books.  I didn't buy all of the books I wanted today, but I bought several.

Jessica is an entertaining and straightforward writer and editor, who had much to say. I've heard her speak before at the Willamette Writers Conferences. And I'll hear her again. I'm hoping that the next time she offers Line by Line I'll be able to take it; and if not the next time, then the time after that.

Lidia was, not surprisingly, powerful. The is entertaining and puts it all out there. She is the badass for sure. And inspiring. I'd also love to do a class or workshop with her. One in person, rather than online. She had a lot of really good things to say.

They were all good.

I'm still absorbing information from the day and may post some favorite quotes later. But not now.

And it did inspire me. It took a little bit of down time, and dinner. And watching another episode of my current streaming Netflix TV program. And then I dove into revising my current WIP.

And I mean I really dove in. I have been working on this for a while and the revision stage is slow and sometimes difficult and sometimes overwhelming. But I'm doing it. In this current set of chapters I'm revising for the Monday writing group there is one particularly rough to edit chapter. It was written early in this process and it shows. It was written with a workshop prompt in mind, and that shows, too. So I have to take out those obvious assignment elements. I had to clean up the awkward language - actually clean up the voice which no longer fits with how my writing has evolved and the voice of this WIP has evolved.

I also cut some monumental chunks. Nearly one entire page and several entire paragraphs. And I rewrote several paragraphs as well. It needed it - they weren't frivolous or temperamental cuts; they were necessary.

I made progress. Significant progress. And it felt good.

Thank you, Jessical Morrell for a well-spent and inspiring day.

Thank you to all of the speakers - I enjoyed them all. But a special thanks to Lidia and her idea that "the page will hold you (when you write your truth)" and to identify one risk we can take in our writing today; her talk on The Worth of Risk.
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Mecca, James Beard, "Making it in Tough Times"

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I should be in bed right now. I will go to bed in a few minutes, as soon as I finish writing this and send it out into the world.

Really. I will. I have to get up very early tomorrow. Remember that time is relative. For someone who works until past midnight several days a week and goes to plays on other nights of the week, getting up at 7:00 AM is very early, indeed. Not so for my running and mountain climbing friends, I know.

But what's up with the title of this piece? It's my creative live over the past couple of weeks.

Last week I interpreted "The Road to Mecca" by Athol Fugard at Profile Theatre. And it was wonderful. The play is beautifully staged and acted and directed. The story well told. And my team interpreter was awesome to work with. And I feel we did well. I also had the opportunity to see someone I haven't seen for a few years who attended the performance - himself a playwrite, author, sign coach, and more.

Last night I interpreted "I Love to Eat" by James Still at Portland Center Stage. That is also well staged, the actor does a marvelous job of being James Beard, and it is a fun show. I would have loved to have had a larger Deaf audience - but those who were there for the interpreted performance were awesome. And I was prepared for that play and I had fun doing it.

Then tomorrow, yes. The reason I'm getting up early is because I'm going to a one-day writing conference put on by author and editor Jessica Morrell : "Making it in Tough Times." There is a great lineup of presenters throughout the day, promised writing time and "instant feedback" (optional). I am very much looking forward to tomorrow. Early, but worth it. Tomorrow will be a day of creativity coming in and I am looking forward to it. One friend from out of town is spending the night because she's going to the conference, too. And one of the Monday writers is going, as well.

This is a good time. It's been a little busier than I like for the past three weeks - but for good reason. The next month my schedule slows and I will take the time to enjoy it before the onslaught of March and another round of creative output for two theatrical performances and poetry competition.

And my editing of the book continues, as does the feedback from and to my Monday writing group. That is going really well. I still have some edits to finish for this week's submission to the group, but I did finish up this week's feedback for the other writers.

Yes - Mecca, Beard, Making It. Thank you universe for these inspiring and pleasant experiences.

For now, good night. And may sleep come quickly!
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One Month In : How am I Doing?

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I set some intentions at the beginning of the year. And while I haven't forgotten that I set them, I also haven't been consciously thinking about what I said. Neither good nor bad, it just is.

Today I went on a search through earlier posts for something else. I haven't yet found what I was looking for because I got sidetracked with this idea and other things have come up. I will get back to that. But I came across my intentions and I decided to take a look at them and see how I'm kicking off this year in terms of those intentions.

Not bad.

Here is my list of 2013 intentions:

• to renew my writing schedule, including focused editing on both the novel and the memoir; 
• to find physical activities which are also fun and varied enough to fit my schedule and interests (to which I can say I am off to a great start with the new Wii, including Wii Fit with the balance board; will also include hiking when the weather is a little better, and hopefully kayaking again); 
• to maintain some true down time in my schedule (pajamas til 5pm kind of days); 
• to spend more quality time with my partner; 
• to spend more time with friends - talking, writing, hiking, creating, bicycling, eating or drinking wine, and more; 
• to be present.

I know there are still 10 days left of the first month of 2013, but I'm doing pretty well so far.

• Renew my writing schedule? Partially thanks to my new Monday writing feedback group, I am writing on a (somewhat) regular basis. We only meet in person once a month (on a Monday), but the other Mondays we submit a piece of writing to each toher which is between 10-20 pages (or under 5000 words) and we exchange feedback on the previous week's writing. Because of this, I spend at least two days writing on my work in progress (WIP) and two to three days doing feedback. I am also back on track with writing my blog posts for the theater. And, other than the theatrical blog posts, I haven't written anything from scratch - but I'll get there. Maybe in February. Okay - "writing scheduled renewed" - check. Oh, and this Saturday I'm going to a one-day writing conference.
• Physical activities which are fun and varied? Check. I'm back to the pool now that I'm over the winter illness that made the rounds, including a couple of passes through my sinuses and throat. I'm not going to the pool often (see "down time" below), but I'm going. What I AM doing is the Wii. Almost every day. I've only missed 2 days on the Wii in the past 3 1/2 weeks - and one of those days was a swimming day. I spend at least 30 minutes every day with Wii Fit Plus, and my average is 45 - 60 minutes. My top day was 3 hours - although not all at one time. And I'm having fun. The Wii Fit Plus has aerobics, balance games, yoga, strength training, and "training plus" which includes body-mind coordination, some aerobics, marching band type fun, snowball fights, skateboarding tricks (which I would never do in my 3-D life) - fun! 
• True down time. Um. Er. Well. Uh. Next month? If you read my most recent post you get the basic idea. It's a whirwind of performance interpreting right now and that's good and fun. But is not conducive to down time. No performances next month! Time to rest up and rejuvenate for March with two plays and some awesome poetry recitation. So - no. Still working on it.
• More quality time with my partner. Check! Could still use more of this - but we're working on it. We're both creative and at least partially self-employed. She is working on promoting her book, teaching art classes, art coaching, preparing for upcoming art retreats and has her therapy practice, as well. So, it's not just me. But we've had a date a week, which is an improvement. So, yes.
• Time with friends? Yes, some. Want even more, but working on that, as well and some positive change.
• Being present? Check. Yes. I'm actually doing really well on this one and it's good. Not always easy; sometimes I'd rather check out or go to the wha'-me-worry?/head-down-plow-through mode, but I don't. I am present and keep with what is happening and get through it just fine. Imagine that! And without any major anxiety issues. Yay.

So - as we near the end of the first month of 2013, I'm doing pretty well on those intentions. I'm riding a creative wave and that feels good. So rather than fuss about not having enough time for writing, I will enjoy the writing time I do have and enjoy the performance interpreting time and go with the ebb and flow of my two major creative adventures. And keep on with the Wii and increase the pool time as I can, and add in some outdoor adventures as things more in a more temperate weather direction - which is a ways off yet.

Good. Good for me.

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Friendship

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This post is dedicated to my friend, A.S.L.. To my signing friends, no, I'm not talking about the language ASL, but a person whose initials are ASL.

My friend and I met up for coffee and a snack last month. It had been a really long time since we'd gotten together and much had changed. Some of it I knew and some of it I didn't know. And all of it was fine - we've been friends for, wow, about 18 years or so. So we can go for spells of not getting together, sending random text messages or inquiries of schedules but not seeing each other. And it's all good.

We'd planned to get together last week since it was a slower work week for both of us. But life happened. Then this thing and that thing and pretty soon it was about to cross over into this week, so we decided we'd probably get together on Thursday. Which was yesterday.

And we did. After work and errands I went over to his place for a homemade dinner (yum - thank you!) and I brought a bottle of wine and a salad. We talked and ate and talked a lot, drank the wine, some coffee and moved to the other room and talked and drank the coffee and talked, and then it was later and we had a glass of port and talked and talked. And very soon it had gone from being 8 pm to being 3 am.

It felt so good to hang out with him. Eat real food. Drink wine and coffee. And talk. I've missed that.

We talked about relationships and work and film and writing and theater and children and radio and politics and so much more.

And we talked about the future.

Which may include a blog for him and I hope so. He has so much to say and I think he's worth listening to. I hope he does it; the world is listening.

A.S.L. - are you there? This one, sans graphic, took about 8 minutes. See? It is possible.

Thank you for the dinner and conversation and the candlelight.
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So, here we are, in 2013

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I feel like I've been rather silent over the holidays. I contemplated various topics to write about: inspirational, insightful, or my more typical meandering and random. I did manage to write a little bit about Solstice and, thanks to Gretchin and Sven I posted a fun video on the 24th.

 

So here it is on the first day of a new year and I thought I'd check in.

 

I won't be listing resolutions for the coming year. I won't reflect on the year that just ended, either. I can look back through my posts on The Writing Vein or check my Facebook Timeline and see what I highlighted throughout the year - not that those are everything which happened nor that those were necessarily the most important things. But those two places do hold some keys to what happened in me in the year 2012, which is now behind us.

 

I don't make resolutions because they feel like a set-up and, if it is something worth doing, then I will just do it. And not just because I decided at the beginning of a new year to try something new or to renew or whatever. I've learned that sometimes things happen in life over which we have little to no control. So flexibility and balance are what's needed and, for me, it's better to just do the right thing because it's what feels right for me and what makes sense, rather than promising to do something which could be arbitrarily interrupted. Those who know me in the physical world (or what friend Steve Nail recently called the "meat world" - thanks, Steve!) know that I like to keep my commitments. So, I don't make resolutions.

I do set intentions.

My intentions are few but strong:

• to renew my writing schedule, including focused editing on both the novel and the memoir;
• to find physical activities which are also fun and varied enough to fit my schedule and interests (to which I can say I am off to a great start with the new Wii, including Wii Fit with the balance board; will also include hiking when the weather is a little better, and hopefully kayaking again);
• to maintain some true down time in my schedule (pajamas til 5pm kind of days);
• to spend more quality time with my partner;
• to spend more time with friends - talking, writing, hiking, creating, bicycling, eating or drinking wine, and more;
• to be present.

It's 2013. I remember when that seemed very far into the future, so far that I couldn't really imagine it, other than in a Piers Anthony or Ray Bradbury kind of way. But here we are.

Goodbye, 2012. You weren't the worst of years and I can say there were some good things. But there were also some trials and bumpy moments which I'm glad to have resolved and behind me.

So, welcome, 2013. May we be good friends and travel smoothly along a creative and innovative path.

Happy writing, painting, sculpting, dancing, filmmaking, business endeavors, and a good life filled with health and prosperity for all.

Happy 2013.
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Connection

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There were two more horrific events since my last post. I'm not going to recount what happened. If you know it already, you don't need to hear it again. If you haven't heard about them, you have your reasons and you probably don't need to hear about them. Sometimes I take media breaks. Times like this I wish I was in an anti-news phase; but I'm not.

What I'm heartened to see is that some people are reaching out.

Not everyone is asking why or whose fault is it or where is the next threat or "event" coming from.

I am happy to see people saying, "hey, if you're hurting and need help, call me" or "are you okay" or "I just need to cry and need a quiet space" or even, "honey, I'm running a little late, I should be home shortly" (when maybe they'd just let it slide this time, again).

Two of the major incidents involved guns; there was a one-on-one incident locally which involved a gun, too. But the third major incident did not involve a gun.

I'm not meaning to open a debate on gun control laws. That is not my point. I see both sides of that issue throwing blame on the other side and proclaiming their own viewpoint right and as the solution.

I do believe that one factor is our lack of connection to each other, to our community, even to our true selves. Which is putting it too simply and doesn't really begin to address the issue. But that is the kernel of this truth.

Blame the parents. Blame the teachers. Blame the father or the brother or "the system." Blame the lack of mental health care or of health care in general. Blame lack of individual responsibility or over-working or economy or the belief that the world as we know it is ending in a week. Politics? The military? Video games? Cartoons?

Whatever. Some of those things are probably contributing factors in one or more of these tragedies.

My feelings about these events are bigger than my words to explain what I feel right now.

Except that I think we need to reach out to each other. To check in just because. To ask, "how are you?" To say "I love you" or "I care" or "I'm here for you." Or maybe even, "how can I help you?'

I know. There are things which need fixing. But it's easier if we see each other as travelers in this shared world and if we find ways to work together instead of always arguing about who's right and who's wrong.

Look around. The world isn't black and white. It's made up of many colors and shapes and sizes.

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Making Space for Opportunities to Happen

A couple of months ago I hit the schedule wall. All of the things I do colliding and running from deadline to deadline and someone called, "Halt!"

I said, "But I can't. There's no time to take time off. Really. I can't."

And she said, "When is the soonest you can?"

Then I said, "June."

She looked at me. She didn't need to say "So, do it." I knew what her words would be.

So I made it happen. The next possible time slot to take a few consecutive days off; more than just a weekend. And that time is soon.

My next dilemma was rather to stay home or to go somewhere. If I went somewhere that meant spending money and I wasn't sure I wanted to do that, since taking time off from work means reduced income (no vacation time). I looked at Craigslist and Vacation Rentals By Owner and so on. I checked out Groupon and Google Offers and Living Social travel deals. But nothing really was "it." I have projects at home I could do. But I also knew I needed some down time.

So I decided to let it float and see what happened.

And happen it did.

Last week a friend told me that friends of his in Seattle were looking for a house/cat/plant sitter. The dates were almost exactly the dates I'd planned to be off work. And, even better, the Seattle friends are writers and photographers from what I can tell, and, well, I said, "sure, pass along my contact information."

And so it came to be that I will be spending a few days in Seattle and the home of writers with their cats and plants and, well, writing.

Another friend of mine said something about me leaving space for this to happen. And she was right. I hadn't thought of it like that. But everything coming together as it did is a pretty good case of synchronicity, I believe. And I'm so thrilled. I've been thinking that I wished I knew someone who had a place I could stay and here it is. Seattle. How perfect. And with cats - lovely.

Leaving space. And trusting. These are compatible ideas. I'm working on integrating them more into this life.

Space. Trust. And Creativity.
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Anna's Poetry Garden

For Anna Ingre

Today a mutual friend reminded me that
tomorrow
is your birthday. But do I say "is" your birthday
for someone who has died or is it proper to say
"was" your birthday because. Well. You died.
But the day is still the day you were born.
Tomorrow is the day which would
have been cause for a celebration. A variety of
friends
some of whom know each other only
through you.
Your small and cozy home filled with people in every room,
spilling from the enclosed front porch with plants
and starts and vines lined along the house's railing,
into the front room entry way where one wall was covered
from floor to ceiling and end to end
with bookcases full of poetry and travel and spirituality
and pleasure books; the other wall covered with your own
artistic creations.
People meandering into the kitchen with dining area separated
by a peninsula which attached
to the wall, so it was not an island standing alone.

And the friends in clumps and covens and snaking through
the house and people would spill out the back door to your
amazing
incredible
lush and productive
garden.
Some people wandering the rows of plants, touching
gently, sniffing deeply, feeling the rich earth
beneath their feet.
Still others under the large overhanging tree.
Sitting or standing as they could or as they desired.

Laughter
Memories
Nodding heads and topics tossed about from the political
to the heart songs to writing and art and
poetry. Therapy, mental health, pets, relationships.

I can still smell the cooking beans and rice, the sauteed onions,
an herbal tea made from your own garden.
I can see the fresh baked goods brought by friends, the basket
of tortilla chips and bowl of salsa, skewers of veggies and
plates of fruit.

Food and friends gathered.
To celebrate you.

I miss the gatherings. I miss your calm and firm manner.
I miss your determination and independence and strength.
I miss talking about writing and gardening and I wish
I would have spent more time with you, writing, listening,
learning.

The passion flower plant you gave us as a raggedy start root
still blooms. Still screens our front porch, giving shade and
cooling our front room.
Every year the plant returns, no matter the winter weather nor
summer heat.
Every year the flowers bloom, a few at a time, until the first
frost. Scattered wild passion flowers, purple, spikey, and white;
surprising.

Today a mutual friend reminded me that tomorrow is your birth day.
Now four years past your death.
May your journey in the other world be kind 
and gentle
and full of passionate poetry
and dancing plants.

by Dot Hearn 5/16/12

photo from eHow

"Make Your Living As A Writer"

Yesterday a friend called me sent me a text message to see what I was up to. He was going for coffee and thought he'd see if I was available. I was - about 45 minutes later after I woke up and took a shower. So I replied, he waited while I put on my shoes and headed over. We spent some time talking. Drinking coffee drinks. Talking.

We're in the same profession - which is not writing. Although we are both writers. He writes stories, yes - but his passion is writing scripts: radio, film, theater.

So we were talking about writing. And talking about the future - the future of our writing. And he talked about if this were the past we might be living in Paris, living with other writers and our lives would be writing and sleeping and eating and writing. And talking about writing. He's a bit of a romantic that way - and, yes, we might. We know others like us. (My partner pointed out, when she and I were talking about it later, that we'd still need wives to take care of the day to day life things while we did our writerly things. True. She's an historical realist that way, yes.)

Not for the first time - but he and I had the discussion about options of making our living as writers. I brought it up because, if you have Gmail or another email program which does this you already know, online email programs bring advertisements with them. There are little bots they send out to scan your email subjects or content and then you get ads (text only or with full visuals, depending).

A quick aside: one thing which strikes me as funny is that when I'm in my Gmail junk folder, there are Spam recipes advertised at the top of the screen. It makes me laugh. And some of them? Wow - pretty outrageous!

Back to writing. So my Gmail ads frequently are about becoming and interpreter or translator, and about writing. Very often there are teasers about "You can earn your living as a writer" or "Write from Home" or somesuch.

I think about articles and nonfiction pieces. I think about getting an MFA. I think about other writerly things and yet. I don't think I'm ready to give up interpreting. And I don't like researching how some place wants me to word what it is I do so they will accept it. I want my writing to stand on its own merits. I could debate this here all by myself: the pros and cons, the whys. My friend and I spent a lot of time talking about this. I think about hours of research to find the publications which want what I might want to write about and then the hours writing the queries and proposals. And then the research to write the articles. And then the writing.

Hmm.

Yes, for now, I think I'll keep my day(night) job. Which I still like. Which I know how to do and I do it well.

And I'll keep writing what I want to write because I want to write it. Not because I have to write it to pay the mortgage.

And I believe that diversity is a good thing.

Maybe, for me, "make my living as a writer" would be better said as "make my living and be a writer."
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Being Handed Some Time

I do not recommend this method of being handed some time: develop a serious health condition, go to the Emergency Room, be hospitalized and taken off work for a week, and have to cancel friends and personal appointments. Confined to minimal activity; no driving for a couple of days. Check-ins for health monitoring.

No - I do not recommend this course of action to see what you can do with more time.

But, it's what happened.

No worries - except for this specific health condition, I am very healthy! Healthy heart, lungs, blood pressure, oxygen level, blood sugar, etc. I just have this condition. And it's being treated.

And I was given the warning that I have to listen to my body and not over-exert myself. Doing that forces my heart to work too hard and that can cause damage. So, I do little bits. I listen. I rest. I do a little more. I rest. I rest and breathe a lot. I don't overdo. Anyone who knows me knows that I don't do "don't overdo" well; but I don't really have a choice right now.

So - time on my hands. To sleep. To nap. To visit with a friend who came a-calling on Sunday - we had a nice chat for a couple hours or so. To talk with a friend on the phone today for a while - something we rarely do or only in very short Q&A schedule arranging/meeting up kinds of ways. To answer emails with more thought after thoroughly reading them in the first place *wink.* To finish up watching the train wreck known as LOST which became ludicrous but I had to see how they ended the mess. To discover a whole new season of "Lie To Me" on streaming Netflix, interspersed with short silly episodes of "30 Rock." To write. And write some more. To complete my assignment for Ariel's Literary Kitchen yesterday. Then today to be able to complete my feedback in a timely manner instead of on the day before the next assignment is due.

Time.

Sleep and napping.

Eating thoughtfully and well and unhurried.

Reading. Writing.

At rest.

I need to do this before there's a crisis next time.

It's kind of amazing how much I've been able to do in terms of catching up on my writing with having mandated down time. And no worries, I haven't sacrificed naps to write - I have nothing but time to do it in right now.
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Let The Countdown Begin

No, it's not too early to start talking about NaNoWriMo.

Two months from today, at this time, I will have already written at least 2,000 words of my 2011 NaNoWriMo novel.

Yes, I am that confident.

No, I don't have a plot. Nor a title. Nor even a setting or a character. Will I? I don't know.

What I do know is that I will have my laptop open and a new word document open, waiting for our lovely ML (Municipal Liason, in NaNoWriMo world) to count us down from Halloween to ...5, 4, 3, 2, 1 - GO! And my fingers will begin typing, whether or not I have even a glimmer of an idea. I will type and something will appear.

And for the next 30 days I will follow my characters where they lead me, to that magical 50,000 words in 30 days, signalling that I am, again, a Winner. See, I've learned to not force my characters to take me somewhere in particular during NaNoWriMo. That is the duty of my inner editor, of revision. But NaNoWriMo is to get it out and see what they have to say. I can't control them - really I can't. It failed dismally the one year I tried. Yes, I still passed the finish line with about 51k words. But I never did finish that novel and I didn't like it.

So. Why now?

Because I have been officially accepted as one of the 250 writers who will be participating in the 2011 Night of Writing Dangerously in San Francisco on November 20th. I will be heading down with my writing buddy to be there in time for the Saturday night special activity, too - the founder, Chris Baty, announced that he will be leaving after this NaNoWriMo to become a full-time writer, so there is something special planned for the night before NOWD, as we in the know call it.

NOWD is fun and crazy and a seven-hour writing marathon. It is also a significant fundrasier for the Office of Letters and Light (OLL), the organization which runs NaNoWriMo, Script Frenzy, and the Young Writers Program. Second only to Write Around Portland, OLL is one of my favorite non-profits to support.

So - I'm asking you to help me meet my fundraising goal of $350 for NOWD - OLL. Again, I am already a confirmed participant. And I want to raise more funds for OLL. This year I have a trusty Toyota, which I will adorn with inclement weather apparel just in case, which will carry me and my friend to San Francisco.

Consider donating even just $5. Every bit counts and every bit helps them provides lessons and incentives and programs for writers of all ages.

Battle of Priorities

This is the time when I need to be focused on completion of the memoir. Especially the first 100+ pages, which I'm trying to get edited and ready to submit to a book contest. The manuscript must be in their hands before the end of the month.

Not postmarked.

Not "make a payment," "attach file," SEND.

No. The physical pages, correctly formatted, with outline and personal statement and notes about the status of the final project included, need to be in their hands by June 30th.

And I've stalled out.

That doesn't quite feel like the right label for the process I'm in. It's more like the end-of-the-term duties as an adjunct instructor colliding with the commitment I made to a friend when June seemed so far off colliding with the news that my partner will no longer be teaching the four-credit class at a local university after this summer (read: reduced income from that source) colliding with the online writing class/workshop, the need to have a few days - even a few hours - off from everything, needing to sleep to walk to ride the bicycle to swim. The need to do nothing. For a little bit.

The end of the term issues are real. I have kept up with grading student journals and papers. I've had to do student intern observations and a couple of those were significant time users in scheduling and rescheduling and, in the case of one, drive time. I've written the observation reports shortly after the observation but each one takes me at least two hours. And now it's final journal time and final assignment time and that means more to grade. By the end of this week - the grades will be turned in and I will have five weeks off from teaching. With not quite three weeks left in June. Eeek.

And my commitment last week to two friends actually - one to give her a place to stay, the other to volunteer interpret for an event. The Blind Cafe. Which was a great experience and I'm glad I did it and I'm glad my friend stayed with me and I'm so happy I could interpret for the other friend - and learn that I, indeed, do not have good receptive skills for tactile interpreting although I do okay at being the tactile interpreter. And it took a lot of time. The friend who stayed with me was my best friend in childhood and over the cliff of adulthood - after which we lost contact for many years; only recently reunited. Which meant we stayed up really late talking (yes, even late for me!). And we talked a lot and hang out together a lot. And I did no writing during those three days.

Then it was right back to work.

So these all important things I've committed to do had to be done. And I haven't written much for coming up on two weeks, outside of the online writing group assignments.

I need to change that.

And I need to not get mad at myself for that.

And I need to just move forward. Edit and write and get the beginning chunk done so I can print it out on quality paper and send it, with the fee, and the required information, to the contest.

Editing this memoir needs to move to the top of my priority list.

Well, after I get the grades submitted.
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