Writing Through ______(fill in the blank)

*
Writing is not something that happens when life is smooth sailing. When the stars are aligned and everything is calm, everyone satisfied, the cat sated and asleep, family members smiling and getting along.

Or maybe I should say that those things are not required for writing to happen. They help! I agree. But not required. I would even argue that life's little knocks are often fodder for story, for getting us to the feeling state - in the body, as I'm sure Lidia Y and Dorothy A would say - which can help keep our writing alive.

I am in one of those states. There is something happening in the circle of my life which threatens to pull me into an eyes forward, hunker down for the storm to hit, kind of state. I'm standing up to it and I am writing. I haven't written about the situation yet - but I'm not letting it shut me down.

I said I was going to post more here as I step up my writing practice in preparation for NaNoWriMo. This morning I did more editing on the professional standard practice paper. That writing was research and formatting of our resources page; not creative writing, but it got my butt in the chair.

So here I am. Writing through the family drama. Writing through the professional paper and related article for our newsletter/magazine. Writing through fighting the cold which is going around and threatening to get in to my body (but it won't win; I'm heavily armed with Wellness tabs and fizzies).

Showing up.

Challenge : P is for Power

P is for Power.

I'm talking about Personal and Positive Power. It is not power over someone or power to misuse. I could talk about wind power and solar power - or alternative power, in general - but I won't; probably someone else can talk about that with more authority and accuracy and, well, I don't want to.

Personal and Positive Power is about being present in your life, in your body and your relationships. It's about knowing who you are and what you need in this world and it's about not being afraid to say things like, "I think _________" and "I need _________" and "I'd like to __________." And I do mean that in a respectful and appropriate way.

Sometimes we're afraid of the Power we do have and we shirk from it. We try ... Let me back up and be honest. I'll speak for myself because that is who I know most about. And from what I've been told, I'm really not that unique in a lot of ways. I mean - I am; I'm me and there is only one of me, I'm pretty certain. But many of my experiences are similar or the same as others in many ways. And in being cautious with showing my Power was ingrained at a pretty young age.

So sometimes I'm hesitant to speak up and show what I know because maybe my Power won't be perceived well or will be misunderstood. Yes, that's happened. In the recent past I said something to someone, honestly and what came from my heart, and the other person thought I meant something else and that there was another feeling behind what I said. But I'd said exactly what I felt and I that it was okay - both things honest and true; the other person didn't believe me and I lost what I thought was a good friend. I spoke my Power and lost a friend.

Usually speaking one's Power doesn't have negative consequences. That's what I have to remind myself. I didn't grow up with people plainly speaking their Power and we had to guess and figure it out and look at the words around what was being said to know. And we were taught to not act "too big for our britches" nor "to brag" and to not be a "knowitall."

It's taken me awhile, but I think I have it now. P is for Positive and Personal Power. And that's good.
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It's Comparable to the Week After the Play Closes

I have a lot of experience with the let down after a play I've been working on closes. Sometimes even when I'm interpreting plays, I go through that withdrawal. That "what do I do with my time."

No, that's not true any more - I no longer wonder what to do with my time. There is always something more to be done.

But on top of the "getting back to reality" without the memoir and without T:BA:11, there were a couple of family issues which were raised. Not my current family - but family of origin. And how funny - since they are included in the memoir. And childhood asthma seems to have resurfaced - which I hope is very temporary, though there were a few times when I was doing all the walking that it was slightly triggered - with speed and a big push, but not to this extent; it is getting better day by day and I hope it goes away soon.

The biggest thing, though, is that "which way do I go" feeling - like Bugs Bunny and the Road Runner. I've completed the big project - and there's another on waiting, and another NaNoWriMo on the horizon. And have the Lit Star Training assignments. And I lost touch with submissions other than working on the memoir for the past nearly three months.

So the question now is "what do I write?"  no worries - probably just need a little bit of "floating" time to let the stories percolate.

*

UPDATE: I started this post three, no four, days ago. I stalled. I did get some writing done - including following Ariel's permission to "write the worst shit in America" for one of this week's quick write. Okay - no maybe not the worst, I've done worse, but it was bad. I did also manage to write something for last week's assignment, which turned out okay - but it was incomplete and I ran out of time.

But I wrote!

And here I am writing, again. Though.

No, not "though" but writing in spite of. I've been more inwardly focused this week.

The asthma symptoms have cleared almost completely - though not all.  I've been working it from different angles - or layers is more accurate. A holistic approach for a whole-is-me condition. Interesting.

Unraveling and re-raveling. Finding new layers to process and emotions to release. Meanings. Feelings.

Listening. To my life and my body.

Making notes and noting insights or inspirations or sparks. Images. Words. Phrases.

Creativity is still happening.

Words still tumbling into each other.

And after a big push tomorrow to complete another tedious task - totally uncreative (no, students, if you're reading this, it doesn't mean you - although I do owe you some information tomorrow and you will get it; this other thing is really really about as dry and tedious as it gets) - then, writing will happen.

Look! I wrote some more. And I will post before another week passes by.
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A Family is Who You Make It

The Family on Rob's 82nd

Today I went to a birthday lunch with my family. The patriarch of the family is Rob who is now 82 years old and who had chopped down 30 trees in the last two days on his wood lot.

My partner and I were, in our usual way, a little bit late. I was up late last night putting what I hope are the final edits on the portion of my memoir which I will be submitting to a book contest within the week. I've been working on the revisions and edits a lot this week. Yesterday I got up early and ate breakfast, then I entered some revisions while I had my coffee. When the class I knew was in the pool at my gym was scheduled to be done, I turned off the laptop and went for a swim. That was a good idea and a nice balance to hours on the computer earlier this week. After showering, I went to a cafe for lunch and typing in more revisions. Then to chiropractic (I'm at the end of treatment for a car accident a few months ago). Afterward to my regular Friday meet-up with a writing friend to write and talk about writing - at which I, yes, entered more edits. Thursday night I closed down a cafe writing; last night I couldn't close it down, as my friend pointed out, because it was a 24-hour cafe. But it was midnight when I headed home - with all of my edits done, the manuscript uploaded as a backup, and a copy emailed to my partner who agreed to read it for edits and consistency.

So I didn't jump out of bed with the sun this morning. And was a little slow to get going. We were only 30 minutes late. And another family member was late due to traffic from an accident on the freeway.

It was a good day. Good conversation and good friends and food and fun.

And it was family. But not family in terms of the law except for a few. And it didn't matter. All of us there today have been family for many years except for the newest one: Susie, Rob's girlfriend since my partner's mother died.

So today family consisted of the birthday boy Rob (82) and his live-in girlfriend since 2006; my partner, who is Rob's step-daughter (Susie is not my partner's mother), and me; Rob's oldest daughter, Diane, and her adult son; Diane's step-daughter and her son. So there was a legally recognized thread in the gathering: Rob, Diane, Diane's son. But mostly we're a self-selected group of people who call each other family - through widowhood and divorces and remarriages and LGBT relationships.

But we're family. And no one can tell us otherwise.

Happy birthday, Rob, and thanks for taking us all on in your clan.

Rob's family invented these typewriters.

Stories

I'm a writer. I write stories. I'm an author of stories and two novels in progress and one memoir. I'm also a poet. And I've written a few scripts; short ones (stage and radio).

Those are stories.

Recently I've been working with someone on making some life changes and we've been talking about "being in story." This isn't the first time this has come up. But I think I finally "get it."

Stories are good. Stories have drama and impact and can move, excite, give pleasure, explain, and so on. Being "in story" can have that same effect.

But the problem with being "in story" is that when that happens, I'm not being present with myself and my experience. My desires, wants, needs. I'm focusing on the other person/people/situation and not on my experience of it.

It's not easy to explain here and perhaps some of you are shaking your head. Some of you may not agree with that concept. And some of you may be where I've been with this idea and not totally understand the difference.

And maybe I shouldn't even write about that here. It's personal. It's private. Yet as a writer, as a very young writer, people (make that my mother) didn't believe me sometimes *because* I was a writer - I "told stories."

So now I'm writing. Writing a lot. Writing fiction and non-fiction and creative non-fiction. And I don't want to get caught "in story" when I'm doing my own personal growth work. The big break through is that I'm noticing and that I'm learning to feel the difference. And I wonder if there is a correlation that, as I work through some of the harder parts of the memoir, perhaps I'm being able to move out of being "in story" and can see when I'm in that outward focused place and move through it.

Writing. Being present. These are what I do as a writer. Which is different than being "in story" when things get hard or there's conflict.
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Discussion: Pen Name?

There is an interesting thread that started in my writing group just over a week ago. I've been thinking about it since it was posted, and just took the opportunity to reply. One member brought up the topic of using a pen-name - to use one or to not; and when or why.

Here is my reply to the thread. I'd love to get your opinions on using pseudonyms. What are your pros and cons? When would you use one or not? Post a comment and let me know. note: this is not a question for writers only; artists, photographers, actors, dancers ... let me know. To be You or not to be You, that is the question.

My post from the discussion thread in my online writing community:

I've thought about a pen name off and on since I've been writing. As a teenager I did pick out a pen name - I don't think I ever submitted anything under it ... and I still remember it, although now it seems pretty lame - it was a 70s name after all *grin*.  

I, too, considered at one time going with pseudonyms for different genres. But I figure now, with the easy access information age, what's the point? Pseudonyms are pretty simple to discover - although I'm sure there are authors hiding that we don't know about yet :-) .  

I like the concept of a "brand" and can see that - and isn't that what the 'platform' age of writing is about (ooops, is my bias showing?!!). I could see doing that if I was doing a couple of really disparate genres that might not mix well. Or not.

And when I first started venturing into memoir - oh, the shock! No, I can't do that. I have to change the names and change my name... But the reality is - and I just saw an article yesterday that said a similar thing - that people believe my fiction more than they believe my memoir; some of the feedback I've gotten on some parts of the memoir are things like "but she would never do/say/feel/react that way..." - but I did. And in the fiction, there are comments like "it's so real".

And I read some other famous author who said that memoir is that one person's perspective and others in the same situation may have experienced it differently. And I have only to look at my mother and her twin sister - they have pretty different perspectives on some things from their childhood and they are identical twins and were raised together. So, if someone hollers about things in the memoir - well, it's MY story.

So I decided that I would probably just be me - even though "Dot Hearn" doesn't roll off the tongue, is awkward, harsh, not memorable ... But it's me writing. Sometimes I just sign things Dot.

Sometimes I want to get rid of the last name - change it; I don't want to carry around my family name. But haven't found anything that sticks with me. Maybe if I ever come up with a line of greeting cards I'll brand them with something else. Or start writing erotic noir stories. Maybe.

And maybe I like being complex. Or maybe I'm just being rebellious against the notion that I have to make myself into a character in order to succeed as a writer and need to build a platform around an image. Can't I just be me and write the stories - letting them speak for themselves? Do I have to be slotted into a mold?

I am trying to build my writing business name, that's how I'm "branding" - but I think I'll keep with my name as the author, as the writer. At least for now.

drawing from "Words With No Names" on wordpress

Moonlight Paddle

from Serena Barton's blog... It was a beautiful evening paddle.

"Boating in the Moonlight
Saturday night we celebrated my son Ian's birthday by taking him and his fiancee, Ruby, on a "Moonlight Paddle" on River Lake, a tributary of the Columbia. Despite all my stepfamily and my partner being avid kayakers, I had not even stepped into one before! It's never too late, and I had a wonderful time. Can't wait to go again. The event was put on by Ridgefield Kayak who did a wonderful job.

I don't have any photos yet, but the "Wabi-Sabi" piece below is an impression of how I felt as we paddled in the light from the full moon with small lights clamped onto the back of each boat. We paddled up to a beach where we picnicked and roasted marshmallows. The area where we were was once home to about 900 Native Americans. It must have been so incredible then..."

Moonlight Flit

by Serena Barton

If you visit Serena's blog, she includes a description of how she created the above piece.

We had a wonderful time. It was the first time I'd done Ridgefield Kayak's Moonlight Paddle and it was perfect. Other than well over 50 mosquito bites (yes, I put on repellant; lots of it), it was exactly what I needed and was perfect for Serena as a first-time kayaking experience. And Ian & Ruby enjoyed the birthday outing. We paddled for a little over an hour up to the confluence of Lake River and the Columbia River, where we pulled out for the fire and s'mores. Then we paddled back to the boathouse with the full moon reflecting on the river and following the trail of small white lights on the back of each kayak.

Beautiful.

Life is Amazing

I didn't get a personality transplant; but Bonnie Hearn Hill did get in touch with me. I feel - fortunate; humble; amazed; happy. And I'm still digesting this bit of pleasant happening.

My partner asked me if I realized that Bonnie would find my post and I answered, honestly, no.

I'm glad she did. And Bonnie and I did meet many years ago; I wish I remembered, but I don't. My uncle Delbert was one family member I really wanted to see more of and the one - I think - I saw the least.

Good news, too: Bonnie will be stopping by here on her blog tour later this month. She will be a special guest and will be talking about where to go and what to do with your novel after you reach The End.

I guess I didn't need a personality transplant. I just needed - once, again - to put out into the universe what I wanted.

Ah.

May I Have a Personality Transplant, Please?

This is one of those days when I wish I was a different type of person. The type of person who looks for connections and grabs them. And notices any little connection to someone famous (or at least famous in some small circle of the world) and is willing to contact them and say,

"Hey! Hi, there. My name is Dot and we lalalalala...." Replace the lalas with the relationship or commonality.

But I'm not. I tend to shy away from that. To be honest, I will probably keep my head down and try to avoid contact and not be noticed first. If noticing does happen, They must notice me. And, even at that, I hesitate to use that potential familiarity to my own advantage.

This is to an extreme. I don't envy the social butterfly who is acquaintance-friend to everyone but best-friend to none. I don't wish to be the kind of person who is always always "on" so that every breath and step and glance must have meaning and significance. That would be exhausting and I have to know what is real and what is less or not real.

Today in my blog reader, WOW! Women on Writing popped up with a name right there that I know. I've never met her, but, gasp, the featured interviewed writer is a relative. (Or was a relative; her marriage to my paternal uncle lasted 16 years - and that ending was a long time ago.) My uncle was a writer - whom I rarely saw. He lived an exotic life in other cities and was married several times. I never met this wife - only heard of her in whispers for reasons that are publicly available on the eHarlequin website.

But now, Bonnie Hearn Hill has written a popular YA series, the first book, Aries Rising, has just come out and she's taking it on tour. WOW! talks to her about this book and her jealousy-inducing three-book-deal on their blog.

And I thought, for a minute, "Cool! A connection. A published author (she has a bunch of mystery books before the YA) with newspaper experience." And I imagined for another minute that I could call her up and say

and say

"Hi, my name is Dot Hearn and, why yes, we are sort of related in a long ago and distant kind of way. And I am an author, too, and can you help me get an agent and an editor and a publisher, please?"

...not...

That bubble burst really quickly. But for a moment I almost imagined Me being a They with connections.

And a book deal.

With royalty checks and plenty of hours to think and percolate stories and have literary gems roll off my fingertips with minimal effort. And trips and retreats and bubble baths and. Time.

Hey, Bonnie, remember me? Oh, right, we never met.
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vocabulary building:

I learned a new colloquial phrase last night, when I was in an online chat with my partner's step-father's girlfriend. I was going to say "new" girlfriend, but they've been together three years or so, so I guess she's not new anymore. I can draw you a map of the family relationship, if it will help.

Anyway, this is the new vocabulary I learned last night, or this morning if you're a night owl, like me: darthirty.



What's that? I asked.

Well, when we were on the kayak trip, we went to bed at darthirty, she said. It's an old southern phrase I learned growing up, she said.

But what's it mean? I started to type and as soon as my 1AM brain caught up with itself, I typed. So it means "dark thirty?" As in going to bed just after the sun goes down?

Yeah-up, she said.

I like it, I said.

And that is your new vocabulary word for today and how I came to find it.
darthirty

photograph from
adventures of Roger and Eileen King

sometimes I shouldn't read the headlines...

...or maybe the point is that I shouldn't follow the links...

So, today, I was cleaning up the spam mail in my work email account. I always check it because once in a very great while the Gmail spam checker puts a request for my services in there where it shouldn't be and lets something slip through to my inbox which is obviously a scam to get thousands of dollars or let me make whooppee all night long. No comment.

Back to the point of this "are you kidding me?!?!" post.

I was checking my spam before deleting forever (or at least until the next time some other bot sends it my way). Right there at the top of the email list window pane was the following:

French Fry Spam Casserole - Bake 30-40 minutes

I thought, this has to be a joke, right?, so I clicked the link. I don't know why someone thinks I would like spam, except that Gmail calls it the spam filter so some crazy "what does the user like" rubric has decided that I want to know how to prepare the mystery meat called Spam. Ugh!

Apparently someone has actually concocted a recipe for the above said meal. Looks like a flashback to the meals of my childhood. Anyone who has read some of my recent writings has seen examples which might have included an ingredient or two from this list.

Speaking of which, my poem titled "Spanish Rice and Party Mix," which is being published in the upcoming "Home" issue of Alltopia, includes foods of the past. (Check back a couple days in my posts for the antholozine launch and reading party announcement.)

In case you're curious, below is the recipe. Personally, I do not recommend trying it at home! Up to you, though. It could still be a joke, though; I can't imagine ....

--

FRENCH FRY SPAM CASSEROLE
Categories: Main dish
Yield: 8 servings

1 pk Frozen french fry potatoes,
-thawed (20 oz)
2 c Shredded Cheddar cheese
2 c Sour cream
1 cn Condensed cream of chicken
-soup (10 3/4 oz)
1 cn SPAM Luncheon Meat, cubed
-(12 oz)
1/2 c Chopped red bell pepper
1/2 c Chopped green onion
1/2 c Finely crushed corn flakes

Heat oven to 350'F. In large bowl, combine potatoes, cheese, sour
cream, and soup. Stir in SPAM, bell pepper, and green onion. Spoon
into 13x9″ baking dish. Sprinkle with crushed flakes. Bake 30-40
minutes or until thoroughly heated.
--

ps: in case you're curious, Spam does indeed come in many flavors. But I don't know if they have a veggie or vegan version yet. Shudder. If you want to see a picture of a wall of Spam varieties, you can view it at Nullvariable.

lift off leads to forgiveness

This has been another intense week. I started to feel disappointed when I came here to post and realized I hadn't said anything since Monday.

Then I thought, hey, wait a minute. Give myself a break, here. I just completed, in the words of Chris Coleman, a marathon. Unlike a marathon, Chris went on in his introduction and welcome to the show, Apollo at Portland Center Stage has two built in breaks for coffee, conversation, and going to the bathroom.

The play is running (no pun intended) three hours and thirty-five minutes. Rehearsal and preparation for this show was long; each of the seven times I saw it required a minimum of 5.5 hours. A total of 60-75 minutes driving and parking, meeting before the show, the show and intermissions, and a little (but not much) conversation after the show. Then there were the times translating the script and practicing at home and with other resources.

Okay. So I posted less than I wanted for this week. I forgive myself. And let's move on.

But I am now late with an assignment for the online writing workshop I am taking. It was due today and I am quickly heading towards midnight. Not that I will be punished - but I wanted to keep to the due dates. Oh well, I missed this one. I will get myself caught up this weekend. After my dragon boat strength & training workout tomorrow morning, going to REI to pick up my ordered gloves for same said dragon boats, and lunch with a friend - and before I go to work Sunday afternoon.

Oh, and around my step-daughter moving in for up to six months; which means her son, as well, on an every other week basis.

It's not that I have anything else on my mind except blogging! sheesh....

picture from the PCS website
and promo flyers for Apollo

NaNoWriMo: day 7 (fri 11/7)

Today, again, I am almost back on track with word count. This is a fun experience and it is a workout. Sometimes at the end of a writing session I feel like I just walked for the whole time I was typing - which is exactly what I *wasn't* doing ... I was sitting. Interesting experience.

At 11:59 I updated my word count on the NaNo website: 11,286. That was a gain today of 2754. Hard to get to the writing today, but I made myself sit down and do it. Today I opted out of going out to write (I thought I would ... ) because I couldn't decide where to go and then the time to get there and I just thought, why bother!?! So I stayed in to write.

I also took a little time with family and there was something I had to go do, in addition to the one job. And still I got almost caught up. I am about 500 words short of the daily average, but I know I will be able to get caught up and make it to the end. I am maintaining confidence that I will reach the 50,000. I will I will I will I will......

found: characters

This video was created by echopanda for Joanna Newsom and uses her song, Peach Plum Pear, from her debut album. This combination of old homemade videos includes some excellent scenes and characters for writing character studies, short stories, poetry, and so on - however you are inspired.

I like Joanna Newsom's music. To be honest, I haven't found anyone else among my group of friends who likes her "Appalachian-meets-avant-garde take on folk music." If you hate the music, hit the mute button. The video is worth it even if you want to (as one friend said) poke your ears with a sharp instrument rather than listen to her voice. I like her and realize she's not for everyone. Give it a try, though, you might be surprised.