Saturday, February 28, 2009

translation exercise

I am going to be interpreting a poetry recitation competition in a couple weeks. The other interpreter and I met today to come up with a plan and start working on translations/interpretations for the poems; the selections have been dribbling in for a few days and we needed to start working on them.

There is a large range of styles, years, types of poems. Some feel a little more straightforward in terms of translation; some are more obscure. One of the obscure poems is "Anecdote of the Jar" by Wallace Stevens. Definitely needed to start with trying to get a grasp of what Stevens intended with this one, before we know how to proceed. So I have started doing some research and it's interesting to read what others are saying.

What do you think the following poem is about? Or what is your interpretation of what it means? At the bottom of this post I will put a few links so you can see some of what I've found so far in terms of scholarly analysis of this poem.

by Wallace Stevens

I placed a jar in Tennessee,
And round it was, upon a hill.
It made the slovenly wilderness
Surround that hill.

The wilderness rose up to it,
And sprawled around, no longer wild.
The jar was round upon the ground
And tall and of a port in air.

It took dominion every where.
The jar was gray and bare.
It did not give of bird or bush,
Like nothing else in Tennessee.

- - - - - LINKS - - - - -

Someone in the writing department at Penn State U. (check out the bullet at the bottom).

The Restrictive Nature of Art: A Study of Wallace Stevens' "Jar"

Humanities Colloquim

on Modern American Poetry

photograph of ceramic jar from

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

If I were somewhere other than home...

...I would be writing about my experiences. Briefly. In-depth. With humor or seriousness. I'd put it all down here and send it out into the world.

But I'm here. At home. In my office at the keyboard. I returned from work at 1:30 am; it's now after 3:00 am. I must get to bed so I can get up to go workout with the trainer and then to the chiropractor and then. Then, yes, back to work.

And write. Somewhere in here I have to write. I do write. I grab moments in the car when I arrive at a job early. Notes as I'm leaving my therapist's office so I remember the important thing we discussed because I will probably forget it by the time I reach my car. The note scribbled to myself as I was teaching; a note for them (the students) to remember to do or say or give them X and a note for me about something I want to remember or write about. Right now I've nearly done away with the neat journal with the strap, which I love to use (I use the Pentallic A La Modeskin, the less expensive version of the Moleskins), and have gone back to regular ol' spiral notebooks for now, because I'd rather carry one of those with a bit of everything tossed into it, than three or four different notebooks (one for teaching, one for writing, one for revising and I forget the fourth -- oh, yeah, nutrition and exercise).

The writing workshop I've been participating in ends this week. Except I did already sign up for the next round, which will start in April.

And I have submitted two more pieces of writing to publications and am looking for the most appropriate venue for two more. Things are moving!

Last night I also stepped into the visual artist role and made a little totem for me to carry with me. A reminder. I was going to make a collage to represent this image; but decided I needed something I could actually have with me since it came from one of those therapy session phrases that I kept forgetting.

There it is - a quick update. From the home office.

Saturday, February 21, 2009

stuck for a word

I came to the keyboard to post something. I didn't know what, but I hoped something would come to me. It didn't. So I decided to go in search of some art or film or writing by someone else to share, since I seem to be a little stuck right now.

I stopped by the website of one of my favorite spoken word and film artists, Queen Juliana Luecking, of Brooklyn, NY, to see what she was up to. Last I checked, she was still working on her "People are a Trip" series, which I posted about last year. It's a wonderful series. She has other videos, as well, on a variety of political, art, and personal interests - wait, aren't those all the same? Unfortunately, the host of her primary site, Moli, was recently bought out and is under revision or reconstruction, or something. So I couldn't get into her main website.

But, you can go here to see some of her newest work on her YouTube channel: QueenJuliana. She seems to be working on a new project called, "Tell Me, Am I Crazy?" The first one up on the site right now is about homelessness and the economy. I wanted to embed one of her videos here, but that is not available. Here is a link to another video worth watching Bernie Madoff Threatened By Lesbian Mafia.

Check her out. Travel through some of the "People are a Trip" series.

Meanwhile, I'll go in search of some creative inspiration - I may have exerted it all on the writing workshop assignment this week (really?). Or maybe I'll sleep first, then go search. That's it.

Enjoy Queen Juliana's video!

I'll be back.

submission opportunity: playwriting

As announced by Mead Hunter:

Thank you, cynseattle, for letting us know that there's finally a submission
opportunity out there for those of us who are not {ahem} kids anymore. It's all thanks to those tireless folks on the other side o'th'pond at the National Theatre. The new program, entitled discover: playwriting, dares to ask the provocative question: "Are you can aspiring playwright over the age of 55?"

The guidelines say nothing about limiting the call for submissions to Brits, so if you're of a certain age -- this op's for you. Download the application here.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

event: Back Fence PDX

(Information taken from craigslist posting.)

On February 18th at 7 p.m. at the Mission Theater, Back Fence PDX will take the stage with local Portlanders, Jeff Baker, Anis Mojgani and others telling unmemorized, true eight-minute stories based on the theme, The Moment After.

Tickets are $10 in advance, $12 at the door. More info at

Presenting our February storytellers:

Anis Mojgani is a former resident of the Oregon Literary Arts Writer's-In-The-Schools program and has appeared on HBO and NPR. Anis' work has appeared in Rattle and alongside the works of US Poet Laureates Ted Kooser and Billy Collins, in the anthology Spoken Word Revolution Redux. Originally from New Orleans, Anis currently lives in a white house in Portland, Oregon, with three guys and a cat named Ivan, whom Anis believes loves him.

Jeff Baker is The Oregonian's book editor. He is a University of Oregon graduate and has won awards for criticism, feature writing and sports journalism.

Ezra Caraeff is the owner of Slowdance Records, a pug enthusiast and the music editor for the Portland Mercury

Jordi Barnes writes and performs sketch comedy in the nationally acclaimed sketch group The 3rd Floor. She co-writes the blog Princess, was interviewed for the comedy site Hello Hilarious and a piece of hers will appear on She and her husband, fellow sketch comic Ted Douglass, have a five month old girl and eleven year old puppy.

Vanessa Veselka is a musician and writer living in Portland. Additionally, she has been a union organizer, an underage stripper, a student of Paleontology, a bartender in Vienna, and hitchhiked over 40,000 before the age of 22. Her work has been published in Tin House, YETI, Bust, Bitch and Maximum Rock 'n Roll. You can hear some of her music at She is also in the Goth band, Nitebrite.

Heather Strang is a writer, journalist and coach. At any given time you can find her buzzing around the kitchen cooking, shaking it to her favorite Beyonce song or single-handedly attempting to change the world. In that order. To learn more, visit:

Brad Fortier is the education director for the Brody Theater in PDX. He has performed improvised theater around town and around the world representing the US in numerous international performance festivals.

Intermission entertainment by Melody Jordan and her Gang of Hula Hoopers!

Back Fence PDX is an evening with people telling their true eight-minute stories based on the month's theme. The stories must not have been performed publicly prior to their Back Fence PDX telling. We are also a blog with a weekly story by a writer, blogger, or someone with an unusual story about the topic.

photograph by David Beaulieu
on "Fence Pictures"

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

where's dot?

Working. Proctoring certification exams. Teaching. Dragon Boats training and the gym for the home routine; next month we go on the water - yay. The gym for cardio workouts. Getting chiropractic treatments for an ulnar nerve issue which was being aggravated by my part-time non-teaching job (it's much better now!); I will be following up with acupuncture treatment for it this week. More working. And a massage later this week.

And trying to sleep. Not enough, but getting some.

Oh - and doing the online writing workshop I'm taking. I'm writing at least two new things a week. And this previous weekend I submitted pieces to three publications. And I'm editing another one for a February 25th deadline.

And trying to read here and there. I'm in book three of a (so far) four book series; I hear the author is working on the next book.

I did manage to go on a date with my partner to a movie last Friday. It's been a long time and it's hard for us to find compatible time to do something. But we did and it was nice. I need more of that.

Monday, February 16, 2009

found video: "Fidelity": Don't Divorce

Ken Starr is back at it, again, in California. He and his group have already started the process of collecting money to defend Prop 8 and filed to force the 18,000 couples who married to be divorced. The following video is from the Courage Campaign.

"Fidelity": Don't Divorce... from Courage Campaign on Vimeo.

Show your support for Fidelity and the Courage Campaign by sending a letter of support here.

Friday, February 13, 2009

workshop: Lit Star Training

It’s time to register for the Springtime Lit Star Training--the online writing class will go from April Gore 4th through May 31st.

These classes tend to fill up pretty fast, so sign up now if you’re interested.

$275 for the 8-week class

$90 deposit saves your spot
(the balance is due when the class starts)

I am a couple weeks from completing my first round of Lit Star Training with Ariel and a wonderful group of writers. It has been an excellent experience and ... I have already signed up for round number two!

You will also see links to Ariel's book, How to Become a Famous Writer Before You're Dead: Your Words in Print and Your Name in Lights, which is not required for the class, but it's a great resource and worth reading. Regardless of whether you take the online workshop or not.

update: Economic Recovery and the Arts

From: Americans for the Arts

February 13, 2009

Just moments ago, the U.S. House of Representatives approved their final version of the Economic Recovery bill by a vote of 246-183. We can now confirm that the package DOES include $50 million in direct support for arts jobs through National Endowment for the Arts grants. We are also happy to report that the exclusionary Coburn Amendment language banning certain arts groups from receiving any other economic recovery funds has also been successfully removed.
Tonight the Senate is scheduled to have their final vote, and President Obama plans to sign the bill on Monday - President's Day.

A United Voice
This is an important victory for all of you as arts advocates. More than 85,000 letters were sent to Congress, thousands of calls were made, and hundreds of op-eds, letters to the editor, news stories, and blog entries were generated in print and online media about the role of the arts in the economy. Artists, business leaders, mayors, governors, and a full range of national, state, and local arts groups all united together on this advocacy issue. This outcome marks a stunning turnaround of events and exemplifies the power of grassroots arts advocacy.

We would like to also thank some key leaders on Capitol Hill who really carried our voices into the conference negotiation room and throughout the halls of Congress: Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi (D-CA), House Appropriations Chairman Dave Obey (D-WI), House Interior Appropriations Subcommittee Chairman Norm Dicks (D-WA), and Congressional Arts Caucus Co-Chair Louise Slaughter (D-NY). We also want to publicly thank President Obama for taking the early lead in recognizing the role of the arts in economic development. These leaders were able to convincingly make the case that protecting jobs in the creative sector is integral to the U.S. economy.

What's Next
As we wrap up our work on the Economic Recovery legislation, we wanted to share with you other upcoming legislative action that we are tracking:
  • Finalization by early March of the FY 2009 appropriations, which has been operating under a continuing resolution for the last five months.

  • Release of President Obama's first federal budget for FY 2010 is expected in late March/early April.

  • Hearings in the House Interior Appropriations Subcommittee on the FY 2010 budget.

  • Hearings in the House Education & Labor Committee on arts in the workforce and arts education.

  • The 22nd Annual National Arts Advocacy Day conference on Capitol Hill on March 30-31, 2009.

Webinar on Federal Funding Announced, NEA Officials to Join
There is further good news for the arts and arts education in the other sections of this $789 billion economic recovery legislation -- but we're still reading through the 1000+ pages. Americans for the Arts will give an update on the economic stimulus package as well as other federal sources of arts funding in a
webinar on Wednesday, February 18, 2:00-3:30pm EST. The webinar presentation will include remarks by Acting National Endowment for the Arts Chairman Patrice Walker Powell and newly appointed Director of Government Affairs Anita Decker. The webinar is free to Americans for the Arts professional members. Not a Member? Join Today.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

pieces of a life

I will have much more to write about this. But, for now, a simple comment.

My aunt sent me a package whoch arrived yesterday. It contains letters to my grandmother, to whom I was very close (she died in 1985). There is also one of her aprons, another little surprise I will write about and include a picture, and a box of applets and cotlets. A story goes with the candies, which I will share very soon as well

Most of the letters have sticky notes with more information about the senders.

I can't wait to have a little time and start going through them.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

The Women's Theater Company Reunion

reprinted from Serena Barton's blog

Thanks to my student, Jae, from my Women's Studies classes at PSU, former members of the unique Women's Theater Company reunited to talk about adventures we had in the old days.

The group was active from the early 80's through the early 90's and played to packed houses the whole time.
Jae is doing an extensive project on Social Change theater in Portland. I had mentioned to her when she interviewed me for this project, that I had been a member of the WTC in the mid-80's, as had my partner. My daughter appeared in one production in about 1990. Jae was very excited to hear about this company, as she hadn't heard anything about it having existed. Through talking to Jae and meeting last night with the old group, I came to realize how unusual and significant this theatrical group had been, how fortunate I am to have been part of it!

My partner and I were living in Salem when we first heard of this outrageous group in Portland. They were putting on new plays with all women casts that featured Lesbian relationships and promoted feminist ideals. When we moved to Portland in 1983, we found this group as soon as we could. I was in my first production in 1985, where I played a homophobic sorority girl, secretly in love with the main character.
The name of this play was "Alumnae News: The Doris Day Years", written by East Coast playwright Sarah Dreher. Sarah also wrote Lesbian themed novels and was an outspoken advocate of women's and gay rights. A highlight of the run of the play was when Sarah came to Portland to see the show.

In these days of so much acceptance of equality for women and gays, (yes, I know, we're still struggling) it is hard to remember how brave it was for this band of young women to mount feminist and gay positive plays. We did it on a shoestring, too. No grants for this group; just a lot of finagling and determination. I missed the early years of the group where they moved from theater to theater, scraping up rent and having to take the set down every night after performances. I enjoyed hearing more about this time last night. Several of the group remembered how they took movement, dance, and improvisation classes. When Jae asked why they did all this work, one of the group replied, "We were in love. We were in love with our art and our community."

When they first began, the group called themselves "A Real Professional Women's Theater Company." One of the early productions was a feminist Nancy Drew mystery. I was delighted to find that one of us has been a dedicated archivist, and that she had brought copies of all the posters. The posters are quite cool, especially if you consider they were made before computers were part of our lives. Company members designed, printed, and distributed them. They also made their costumes, sets, handled lighting, props, the ticket sales, etc. All in their spare time, because everyone had a day job or two.

By the time my partner and I joined, the Company had a permanent home in the Hollywood District. It was a ramshackle building, and we lived in fear of the Fire Marshal. Members with carpentry talents not only built the sets, but also made alterations to the building to improve it as a theatre and to keep said Fire Marshal happy.

Sometimes there was friction in the group, and the company had a hiatus for a while before I joined. Community won out, and after most members had started therapy, they came together again to mount more productions.

Before my time, the group took tap dancing lessons so they could put on "The Lydia Pinkham Menstrual Show." This might seem a silly title today, but remember than even mentioning menstruation in public was a radical act. The group often made its points through humor, such as using the name of an old patent medicine in the title of this show.

Jae and Deborah listen as members
describe Lesbian/ Feminist life in the
70's and 80's.

Members of the co
mpany were happy
to reunite and rejoice in what we
had accomplished.

Poster for the Menstrual Show

Poster for Last Summer at Bluefish Cove--I was in this one!

A longtime member of the company reviews a scrapbook

I'm so grateful to Jae and to all the members of the old Women's Theater Company--thanks for the old memories and the new perspective on this amazing experience!

Sunday, February 8, 2009

support the arts

chipping away at the arts

This post is from Culture Shock: there is more on their site - click over to read it. There is also a list of other sites with information at the bottom of this post.

As the federal federal stimulus legislation worked its way through Congress this past week, it bent and shifted more quickly than we at Culture Shock were able to keep up with while holding down our full-time jobs and evening arts activities. But we were monitoring events closely through Americans for the Arts, RACC's federal advocacy update page, Art Scatter and other helpful resources.

The shit hit the fan yesterday (Friday) when the U.S. Senate, during their consideration of the economic recovery bill, approved an egregious amendment offered by Sen. Tom Coburn (R-OK) that stated:
None of the amounts appropriated or otherwise made available by this Act may be used for any casino or other gambling establishment, aquarium, zoo, golf course, swimming pool, stadium, community park, museum, theater, art center, and highway beautification project.

Unfortunately, the amendment passed by a wide vote margin of 73-24, and surprisingly included support from many high profile Senators including Chuck Schumer of New York, Dianne Feinstein of California, Barbara Mikulski of Maryland, Bob Casey of Pennsylvania, Amy Klobuchar of Minnesota, Russ Feingold of Wisconsin, and our own Democratic Senators Wyden and Merkley.


For more background on the amendment and why it's so completley unacceptable, visit this fine article at Art Scatter. Although there is still hope that the Coburn amendment language might not be included in the final conference version of this legislation, many arts groups will be prevented from receiving economic recovery funds from any portion of this specific stimulus bill if the amendment remains intact. It is clear that there is still much work to be done in the Senate and in the media about the role that nonprofit arts organizations and artists play in the nation’s economy and workforce. So here, dear readers, is what you can do to help.

Arts advocates need to quickly contact Senators Wyden and Merkley and express our extreme disappointment in them for voting for the Coburn Amendment. We need these Senators to know that their vote would detrimentally impact nonprofit arts organizations and the jobs they support in their state. Americans for the Arts has crafted a customized message that can be sent automatically to the appropriate Senator simply by entering your zip code. (For our friends from out of state, the system will recognize if your Senator voted against the Coburn Amendment and will send them a thank you letter instead.)

[note: there is more to this post - follow the link at top and read it!]

Here are some other sites with good information about this issue.
Art Scatter
Burk's Blog
Americans for the Arts

Saturday, February 7, 2009

not really random: thought on prejudice

I wonder how it is that people can be so hateful about people who are gay. Still; in 2009. How do they think it is okay to talk so openly about their own prejudice as if there is no one else in the room fully of young men and a few middle aged staff as if no one in the room is actually gay/homosexual/lesbian/queer or questioning? With the number of humans in this one space, statistics say there will be a minimum of two and mostly likely, four to six of us who fit into the category these people are wrinkling their noses and shoulders at.

And I wonder, again, why I keep silent.

Or I don't wonder. I'm there as a professional and a professional who is supposed to be neutral on pretty much any matter that arises. I have a code of ethics I must follow -- oh, excuse me, now it's called the code of professional conduct -- which says that I am not supposed to have an opinion nor give advice nor counsel on any matter within my work settings.

So I hide behind the professional curtain. I am so 'out' in the rest of my life. In my teaching. In writing classes and workshops. Online. Pretty much anywhere. Even in this particular work setting, there is one female staff person who I've only seen three times out of the many I've been there, who I told; her daughter is a lesbian and was going through a break-up and so we ended up talking while my client was napping. But she talks is whispers and her initial mention of it was a little derogatory but I told her anyway.

Sometimes, like that setting, I am surprised at the level of hate. Shocked. I forget that these otherwise nice and responsible and generally respectable people can have such disgust over how people different than themselves love.

And I believe that nothing I say would change their minds. So I keep my face in the book I'm reading or my eyes on the stupid movie they're watching and I say nothing. I don't respond. I don't laugh. I give them the silent treatment, although I know they don't notice.

Thursday, February 5, 2009

connection: "cauldron of fiction"

A friend is studying creating fiction and he has written a wonderful essay on the topic. Rather than copying the whole piece here, below are a few teasers and the link to read it in its entirety. I, too, believe that creativity is like water: there is a constant stream of creativity available to anyone if we know how o find it, we need it like we need air to breathe, and more. For now, see Sven's main ideas below and then head on over to the Scarlet Letters to read it all; it's worth the trip *wink.

I'm studying how to create fiction. Here are three metaphors I'm finding useful –– each of which has to do with water.

the stream of consciousness

There is the conscious mind, and then there is the unconscious mind. The conscious mind can attempt to work things out by logic... But the true source of thought is the unconscious.

I mean this literally: try ....

the pitcher of thought

I've heard it said that the mind can only hold seven thoughts at a time. Whether or not the number is accurate, it matches my experience that I can only consider a limited number of things simultaneously.

In a very literal way, if I can remove one thing ....

the cauldron of fiction

notebook as cauldron

Fiction is created through the process of listening to your stream-of-consciousness and writing it down on paper as fast as you can. You're allowed to think in ways ...

Thank you, Sven!

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

event: anti-valentine write-off

Anti-Valentines Write-Off
In anticipation of Valentines Day, the Independent Publishing Resource Center is proud to present its third ever write-off event! The theme is Love, but not as you have ever experienced it before! This unique writing contest consists of three rounds, all with the them of Love. In each competitive round, a new genre will be picked from a hat (i.e. an ode, a movie script, how-to, obituary), and contestants will write their brains out--about love, in the given genre under a time limit. Cool prizes go to the contestants who demonstrate the most versatility and originality. Moe Bowstern of Xtra Tuf and IPRC Program Coordinator A.M. O’Malley will co-host the event, and a panel of judges will award prizes for the most lover-ly writing.
February 14, 2009, 7pm

"Anti-V '09"
by Dot.

event: book arts, interdisciplinary exploration, and the creative process

Write and build your own book with Clare, Tif, and your new collaborators in an intensive two-day weekend workshop at the end of February.

"Book Arts, Interdisciplinary Exploration, and the Creative Process" is open to adults of all skill levels. Experienced book artists may find it especially engaging. Sign up by February 19 at Oregon College of Art and Craft or email to receive a tuition discount.

Collaborations burst our bubble of solitude and return us to our individual work with a deeper understanding of our distinct voice. Similarly, explorations into unfamiliar disciplines and media enrich our individual creative practices while offering new, challenging opportunities for contextualizing our work.


  • Feb 28 and March 1, Saturday and Sunday
  • 9:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m.
  • Tuition received before February 19: $170
  • Tuition received after February 19: $190
  • Studio materials fee: $25

Collaborations burst our bubble of solitude and return us to our individual work with a deeper understanding of our distinct voice. Similarly, explorations into unfamiliar disciplines and media enrich our individual creative practices while offering new, challenging opportunities for contextualizing our work.

This workshop is taught by the collaborative team of book artist/letterpress printer Clare Carpenter and writer/editor/performer Tiffany Lee Brown. With their guidance, participants combine hands-on studio work with discussion and exercises exploring intuitive process. On the first day, students develop book dummies, maquettes, and sketches of their ideas, focusing on how content informs presentation. On the second, students integrate their writings and structures in a collaborative project.

  • Class number BA 701
  • phone 503 297 5544
  • Oregon College of Art and Craft (OCAC)
  • 8245 SW Barnes Road
  • Portland, OR 97225


To read more about the instructors, go to 2GQ, where this post was originally found.

Monday, February 2, 2009

but I never go back

Next Saturday there is a reunion I was invited to attend; and I will. But I hate the word or hate the concept is probably more accurate. I don't hate this group of people and it could actually be fun. It's just that I never go back. Or haven't until now. So here I go, again, trying something new. It must be the year for stepping out of what's familiar.

I learned to not go back from my mother. She's the expert. "Don't look back because you'll only get slapped in the face. There's nothing worth going back for, anyway." My family doesn't hold reunions and no one would go, even if someone tried. A legacy of the ultimate "letting go," although it is not quite the spirit of how this phrase in usually intended.

This reunion is for the Portland Women's Theatre Company, in which I was involved for several years when we first moved to the area in 1985. It could be fun. A couple of the people I've seen here and there over the years; others I haven't seen nor heard from at all. I was involved in the middle years of the group (which has been defunct for a while). This reunion was sparked by the interest of a woman researching the history of the group along with some other resources in the area. That woman just happened to be a student in one of my partner's classes. So, in some ways, my partner is partially responsible for this reunion or at least for lighting the spark of inspiration which led to this project.

So, with hope for a paradigm shift of understanding, I will go to the reunion which is, thankfully, being held at the home of one of the people we have kept in touch with since that time. And I will go into it with a positive outlook and deep down the awareness that, again, my mother's lesson may not be the whole truth. Maybe sometimes you can revisit the past and have it be okay.

Sunday, February 1, 2009

not-quite-lucid dreaming

So it seems that I actually *d0* compose stories while I sleep. Or something. (There was a discussion a couple weeks ago in the forums of a writing workshop I'm doing which was about writing while sleeping.)

I vaguely remember the following conversation - or part of it - with my partner in the early morning hours. Early morning for me, since I didn't go to bed until about 4AM - and I know that some people are getting up, or, gasp, already up and dressed, at 7AM. But not me, today. Anyway, my partner had the idea to write down "our" conversation and give me the transcript later.

So here's how the conversation went - remember that I was acting, and in the moment believed myself to be, awake and coherent - :

me: I forgot to get her weight (pause) her measurements. What's-her-name Green. I need her weight.

S: why?

me: For the rocket stuff. (pause) I don't know why. I'm just supposed to get it.

S: You're not making any sense.

me: ... I (pause) ... [snore]

It's a sign of stress when I start having these half-conscious conversations. I don't have transcripts of the previous ones, but do vaguely remember a couple of them. One, I was typing on my partner's back and talking about some filing and reports that needed to be done (this was in the early process of realizing I needed to not be at the job I had at the time). The earliest one I remember was early in my relationship with S; I was trying to get my step-son to stop eating and then throwing up cookies and chopping up the counter with a butcher knife (the little guy was actually fast asleep in bed; I was a new step-parent and was totally unprepared for the role).

Lucid dreaming? No, just processing events of the last couple weeks. It was just funny to have the actual transcript, and to remember that we had a conversation, and that I was partially conscious and it felt so real in the moment. And S has great delivery and timing - so hearing her read it back to me was a part of the smile I was given this morning.

It is also a note to self that there is a stressor in my life right now which needs acknowledgment and/or attention.

Paper Beads Through Lace Curtains
photograph and beads
by Dot.