|Thien Mu Pagoda grounds, Hue|
photograph by Penelope Gan
Then today I was talking about this process. Not this exact process with the book, per se, but the whole process - the process of staying with my truth. Even when it hurts. Even when people tell me it can't be done or it's a bad idea or suddently abandon me without even a so-long. Staying with it because this is what I was meant to do, what I enjoy doing, the path I've been wandering along most of my life and it has deepened and strengthened.
And learning not to equate being on my true path with people leaving; which they have, but it's not a cause and effect relationship. Being in my confidence and my truth is being in the flow and in that I get to take pleasure and in that I know I am on my path. I had a good conversation today about this today.
Today I am not giving up - I know, I didn't tell you yet that yesterday I considered it. Really. I was in "the black hole" and feeling like all this effort was for nothing and nothing would ever change and I should just stop now. Stop writing, stop trying to change, stop trying new physical adventures and fun. But I didn't; and the truth is that now, even when I sometimes dip over the edge of that hole, I'm not in the hole and I keep a forward momentum - even if I have to plug my ears and shut my eyes and say "lalalalala" to keep going.
Today I had a great conversation and did some energy work with mudras (thank you, Pamela). Today I am letting go of old hurts that are not mine to carry. Today I am saying that I am doing what is right and am on my true path. And it feels good. If people leave or people naysay or people try to pull me into their black holes, I can remember today's conversation and remember how I feel right now.
I am on my path and I'm not saying, "sorry." Because this is real.
And I do have the 119 pages of the manuscript ready to go. I'm typing in my outline and project overview right now. I have a very rough brief bio written and a three-sentence project description. It is almost ready to go. And then I will get back to writing the few unwritten pieces and editing the rough pieces. And I will return to editing the novel and writing new short stories.
|picture of Koh Tao from TripAdvisor|