Monday, February 15, 2010

What do I Deserve? Razor's Edge response

Razor's Edge response from 2/12/10

The spoken word artist talks about what women deserve. I am a woman. What do I deserve?

If I woke up in the morning and I said to anyone who would listen that, today, I am going to play hookie. What would happen? Do I deserve a day of, as Emi Ha said, loafing?

What would happen if - for just one day - I was not responsible? If I said: this is My Day and I claim it as my own and I will be there for me, first. What would happen?

Sometimes I know I act as if I can hold up the world all by myself. Or at least this corner of the world where I dwell and work and love and don't sleep enough. I think that I can keep going and maybe I should just paint myself pink and attach a puffy bunny tail and carry around a big majorette's drum - just like the energizer bunny.

Only the bunny does run out. Sometime, s/he will. I know it. I know it keeps going and going and going. But one day. It will. Stop.

I don't want to stop.

But maybe I need to rest.

My body is telling me now that I need. To. Rest.

I have a little irritating rash that my body. Can't handle. It's stress induced. I've been told. And my adrenals are running on high although they are still following a circadian rhythm, which is good. I've been told. Or they're kind of stuck or vacuum locked - like my car the one day we had a few hours of snow and ice and I was stuck in traffic for 5 hours going about 5 to 10 MPH and then my car wouldn't get out of low gear. Except my adrenals are in the fight or flight mode. Still. Too much cortisol.

I don't want to get stuck in low gear.

So what do I deserve? What is it I need?

Sleep. Down time. Rest.

The supplements to help my body heal the rash make me tired. I was warned. Tired and a little cold- or flu-like. But not sick. Though the feelings are very similar.

Rest. "You may have to slow down to get over this," my Naturopath warned. And she may be right.


What a beautiful four letter word.