Friday, October 8, 2010

it wasn't easy

I made the right decision to not walk the inaugural Portland Half Marathon. My back is better - especially when not walking any distance over 1/2 to 1 mile. I can go 2 miles with tightness; no pain. Slower recovery than I'd like. But when I'm not doing walking as my cardio exercise my back is better. All of the other work I'm doing to heal it is paying off and it feels generally stable and only sore with distance walks; great improvement.

One problem recently, though, is that when it feels better I think - maybe I could walk the half marathon if I don't push the pace. (As if - I said that before the Cascade Lakes Relay, too; and even though I didn't set out to beat last year's pace or go at any particular pace, I did.) Then I walk and ow. Or I sit a little off and - ow. Or sit too long without stretching - ow. But it is better. Just not up to walking 13.1 miles.

But I decided that I would pick up my race packet, which includes the technical t-shirt and the bag. And I'd look around the health expo - I like those, see what's new, upcoming events. It will be fine. My decision was right and I'm solid in that now.

But it wasn't easy. I got the shirt. Included was a nice little rose (pewter?) necklace on a satin ribbon in a pretty little velvet bag; nice. There was also, in it's own little velvet bag, the "half marathon finisher" medal. Ouch. If I was walking on Sunday I'd think, "yay" because I wouldn't have to scramble to get one as I was sweaty and catching my breath and trying to warm-up, dry off. But - ow. And I did look around - but a couple of my favorite vendors weren't there. There weren't many upcoming events displayed. Less freebies and samples. Way less energy than before; maybe there will be more tomorrow - and I did see a couple of unfilled, unstaffed booth spaces.

And I cried. Just a little. Because today was one of my best 'back' days in a while (thank you, Cydney!!). It felt really good and stable and I started my 'what if' thinking. And knew that wasn't right. My body said, no, can't do it.

I'm okay - it was just a little harder to be there than I thought. It's an expensive (but nice) technical t-shirt and another nice cinc-sac to stuff things into. I know some of the 'less than exciting' energy was mine, some was definitely a change in vendors and their energy at the expo. I don't regret picking up my stuff. I don't regret making the right decision for my body.

I just expected it to be a little easier to be there.

And I decided to reward taking care of my body in this decision by replacing the half marathon activity with a trip to the Wordstock expo. The play I'm interpreting next week has taken a huge amount of time, as has my work, and I haven't been able to get to Wordstock at all - which also made me sad. So, when my play rehearsal time was scheduled from Sunday and I had scheduled my normal Sunday job later for the half marathon which I'm not doing - I decided my treat is a trip to Wordstock.

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