Friday, April 11, 2008

Random Thought

...or maybe not that random...

This week I'm thinking about "duty" and "desire." Desire being of a general sense and in terms of creativity. I'm assuming that duty and desire don't have to be in opposition, but I often behave as if they are. Often I feel they are in conflict. I'm still exploring the idea and seeing what it looks, tastes, smells, sounds, and feels like. Sometimes I find myself feeling inspired and there is a thought I want to follow down a creative path - sometimes a yearning that I almost feel I can't stand to ignore. And I'm on my way to a job or on my way home where I will go to my office space and work more because I have reports due or papers to grade or videos to evaluate and they all have deadlines.

And the desire, the inspiration, the creative spark try to hold on. Sometimes they are temporarily misplaced among the debris of my duty. On one level I believe that I can't shirk my duty because I believe duty is tied to financial well-being and I believe that if I let loose of duty hanging like an anchor around my neck then I will be adrift with nothing. Fortunately, on another level, I don't let myself totally get away with that belief.

And the desire to create does not go away. No matter how often I try to ignore it or put it off until later. It is still here. It pokes its head up here and there, reminding me, turning me toward that other place of creativity.

And I think: what if I have a duty to create?

(silk painting detail) Tea Ceremony #4 by Dot.