Tuesday, July 19, 2011

A Time of Change and Wonder

My massage therapist, Cydney, moved away last week; she closed her practice the week before that. I've known for a month that she was leaving and was able to get one final visit with her in her last week. She was amazingly gifted, insightful, intuitive and had helped me so much over the years I'd been seeing her.

My previous massage therapist, Simone, who I'd been working with for a number of years - first as a colleague at the health care clinic, then as my massage therapist - committed suicide. She was also very sensitive and intuitive, but she didn't have the tools to protect herself and there are many details I don't know. She went through a tough time due to a mental health condition and took time off work. She went back to a small private practice and not too long afterward, she killed herself. It was traumatic for many in our community. Many questions, no answers.

I got a referral to Cydney from someone I trust; Cydney has been an amazing massage therapist/body worker. So, while the transition to a new LMT was unexpected and the circumstances were emotionally hard, all turned out well.

Cydney's reasons for leaving are vastly different - she is very much alive and thriving. And it was still unexpected and I wasn't ready to change. But she did give me some names of other massage therapists in the area, told me about how they work and gave me recommendations. She put a lot of time and thought into making good referral matches for her clients.

I talked to Cydney's top two referrals for me on the phone. I'd scheduled an appointment with the first person - but after I talked with the second LMT, it "felt right" - more right than the first person, whom I'm sure is skilled and would do good work (and was highly recommended by Cydney, too).

So the end of last week I went for the appointment with the new LMT, Daria, and - wow. Her work was amazing. I feel that she was definitely the right choice for me and all of my nervousness about starting over with someone new has dissipated. I think this new bodywork experience is going to take me into a new direction and a new relationship with my body. I would have happily continued with Cydney and am going to miss her - and this feels like a right and good transition.

And I also would like to tell Cydney "thank you," for allowing me the opportunity to heal from my transition to her by providing an opportunity to transition out to a new LMT in a healthy, thoughtful, and respectful way. I don't blame Simone - I know she suffered and she did a lot of good for a lot of people, she was very kind and loving and caring, almost too much so for her own good; but it was hard to lose her as a friend and provider. I didn't realize there was a little residue of the loss of Simone until Cydney told me she was moving away; now I feel I've had the opportunity to heal that residue.

I'm not exactly clear how this relates to writing at this moment - except that it is another life lesson. And don't all life lessons help the writers and artists and dancers and actors? Even the CEOs if they'll listen, and anyone with a creative bone in their body?

Maybe this lesson, for me, is about being open to change. That saying about one door closing is the opportunity to open a new door. I know that's my own spin on the words, but that's how it is for me. Because I have been locked in the old place, shut in the room feeling like there is no way out, worried that if XYZ falls apart/falls through/breaks down then my whole life-system will crash and I'll have nothing.

So maybe now is the time to take this example and say, okay. There are options. Even tragedy, like Simone's death, can lead to a new opportunity. And sadness, like Cydney leaving town, can turn out to be an opportunity for growth and change I didn't even know was possible or needed.

And I wonder about other opportunities - presented or not yet, taken or avoided, how a loss is actually an opening to something else.

I have an application in for a program (IPRC's printing & publishing for writers) and am waiting for an answer; the deadline isn't until July 30th - I applied early. I really want to do this program - and I have this amazing clarity that whatever their decision, it will be the right thing for me right now. Yes, I want it; yes, I'm hoping they accept me; yes, it would be absolutely great and there would be so many opportunities opened up because of this new knowledge and skill set. And, if the answer is "not now" - I will be okay and there will be reason.